by Bea Peterson
People began to gather in front of St. Mark’s Church on Main Street in Hoosick Falls about 5:30 Sunday evening. Some lit luminaries. Others carried candles. Many carried photos of loved ones lost to suicide. They gathered as a reminder that there is help out there for those contemplating the taking of his or her own life.
[private]Rev. Paul Baker of St. Mark’s Church opened the event with a prayer that in part read, “Grant to all who seek your guidance and to all who are lonely, anxious or despondent a knowledge of your will and an awareness of your presence. Hear us, O Lord of life.” John Hyde read scripture from Matthew, “Come to me all who are tired and without hope – you will find rest.” Following the prayers more
than 40 people, from tots in strollers to youngsters, teens, adults and older folks walked to John Street, down Church Street to the point and back along Main Street to St. Mark’s. They all walked in memory of a lost beloved child, grandchild, sibling or friend.
According to the Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) suicide takes the lives of nearly 40,000 Americans every year and is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S. There have been three suicides in the Hoosick area since May. Over half of all suicides occur in adult men, ages 25-65. For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the second leading cause of death. Each day in our nation there are an average of 5,400 attempts by young people grades 7-12 to take their lives.
Substance abuse is a risk factor for suicide but the strongest risk factor is depression. Many who attempt suicide never seek professional care, yet 80% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully.
Some Warning Signs Of Suicide
• Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself.
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
• Talking about being a burden to others.
• Feeling withdrawn or isolated.
The risk is greater if a behavior is new or has increased and if it seems related to a painful event, loss or change. Four out of five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs
A suicidal person urgently needs to see a doctor or mental health professional. In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Common Misconceptions
“People who talk about suicide won’t really do it.” – Not True. Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore suicide threats.
“Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy.” – Not True. Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They may be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing.
“If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop him/her.” – Not True. Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death and most waiver until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to end their pain.
“People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.” – Not True. Studies of adult suicide victims have shown that more then half had sought medical help within six months before their deaths and a majority had seen a medical professional within one month of their death.
“Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.” – Not True. You don’t give a suicidal person ideas by talking about suicide. The opposite is true — bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.
Support After Suicide
What can be done for those who lose someone to suicide? According to the website Support After Suicide the support of friends and family can make a real difference to a bereaved person’s capacity to manage the experience. They need compassion, recognition and validation of their experience. Many people bereaved by suicide feel alone and isolated. The silence that surrounds the issue of suicide can complicate the experience. Grief is challenging, and a network of friends and family can make it much easier.
Don’t be surprised or alarmed by the intensity of their feelings. Accept that they may be struggling with troubling emotions such as guilt, fear, anger and shame, well beyond what they will have experienced previously. They need non-judgmental support, an opportunity to tell the story over and over again and to really be listened to, heard and understood.
Many people feel awkward and nervous when first spending time with a suicide bereaved person. It will take some time to learn how to respond. Try not to say ‘committed’ suicide. This harks back to a time when suicide was a crime and some bereaved people find it distressing. Don’t avoid the subject of suicide. Avoid simplistic explanations for the suicide. Suicide is very complex and there are usually many contributing factors. Say the name of the person who has died and talk about them. Not saying their name can leave the bereaved feeling as though the one who died is being forgotten or dismissed.
Offer to do chores, bring meals, offer comfort and support; whatever it takes to relieve some of the burden for all members of the bereaved family.
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